Banished Healer Chapter 15

At The Inn, Narsena


—Narsena—

「Tomorrow I would like to say hello to Narsena’s acquaintance adventurer.」

「Yes … even though tomorrow is a long-awaited holiday… I’m sorry.」

「Don’t worry. Not entering the labyrinth is enough as a rest. Well then, we need to wake up early tomorrow, so let’s call it the night now.」

「Yes, Onii-san, good night!」

After dinner, we conversed a little and then went to our own room.
I opened the door to my room; I’ve been holding back my expression the entire time until I got inside.

「Yeeaaaaaaa!」

…… However, the moment I entered the room, I screamed while burying my face on the pillow as my emotion reached its limit.
But, that wasn’t enough to satisfy my joyful emotion.
I rolled around the bed with a loose face.

「I wonder if Onii-san still remember my promise to him!」

That was why my mood was so good, because, on the way back to the city, I heard Onii-san said 「You seriously remind me of that girl.」
Though, there is no proof that girl in question is really me.

「Well, my hair color has changed entirely compared to that day after all…」

If it turned out to be a misunderstanding, then I might be too embarrassed to show my face in front of Onii-san for a couple of days.

——— But if Onii-san really remembers me, and that’s because seeing the current me…

Just imagining it made me happier.

「Uwhaaaa!」

Unable to bear the happy feeling, I rolled around on the bed again while pressing the pillow on my face.
It’s good that I become an adventurer, it was an effort to persuade my parents.
While thinking so, the urge to roll around on the bed came again…

「… N-No, I must not!」

…… But, this time I somehow suppressed the urge.
If I kept making a noise like this, the racket might be heard in the nearby room.
That was not a problem I could just turn a blind eye on.

「Onii-san is also in the nearby room…」

——— After all, Onii-san and I are staying in the same inn now.

There were a lot of hardships to get to this situation.
After all, Onii-san never approved of us staying at the same inn with me in mind.
Somehow, in the end, I forced Onii-san to approve by begging with tears while saying 「we’re a party right.」

「Ehehehe …」

I was conscious of the fact that we were staying at the same inn again and my mouth loosened.
It really took a lot of hard work to get to this point.
…… Apparently, Onii-san still considered me as a junior adventurer.
How long would it take if I didn’t use my tears……

Even still, I wasn’t satisfied with the current situation and planned to reduce my distance with Onii-san more.

「But I will not give up… O-One day, our party will buy a house for joint residence and we will live together…」

My face blushed as I said that.
Living together in the same house, just imagining that made me seriously embarrassed.
Of course, if before that, we become close enough and ended up becoming lovers, then…

「——— Hyyaaaa!」

…… Too embarrassed, my imagination only reached the part where we connected our hands.

For a while, I was lying on the bed with my mouth loosened, however, considering our plan tomorrow, I decided to go to sleep.
After all, tomorrow, we would need to go to the adventurer’s guild early in the morning.

「And because we absolutely need to go to the adventurer guild tomorrow, some kind of problem involving Onii-san might happen…」

Thinking so, I was going to get ready to turn in for the night, but then, a certain question came to my mind and I stopped my hands.

「But still, why does Onii-san have such low self-esteem…」

It was a question I had from the few couples of days I spent with Onii-san…

 
◆ ◆ ◇

 
As far as I’ve seen from these few days, Onii-san never underestimated his ability.
He understood under what condition he could go to the lower-layer alone, he even had a general recognition for the kind of monsters he could defeat by himself.

…… However, Onii-san really undervalued his own worth.

In the case of healing magic, it was understandable that there was no judgment standard considering there were not many healers in the first place and Onii-san couldn’t really see how they perform, only he was ostracized by other healers.

But in Onii-san’s case, his perception of his overall value was quite low.

Certainly, Onii-san’s ability could be called distorted.
After all, Onii-san ability was too restricted.
Once he stopped becoming a vanguard, he couldn’t attack other than for suppressing the enemies, and if he concentrated on attacking, he could hardly defend.
Considering a vanguard need to hold enemies back while being aggressive, it could be said that Onii-san’s ability was too one-sided.
But Onii-san’s ability should at least be called okay.
After all, Onii-san was capable of holding back that hydra virtually alone.

…… Nevertheless, Onii-san believed himself to be useless.

That Onii-san’s low self-esteem didn’t only affect his attitude to the adventurers, but also his attitude toward the city’s people.
Onii-san believed that we were accepted by the people were because of me, but that was not accurate.
It was because I was with Onii-san that the people in the city being friendly with me.

The people in the city were aware that Onii-san had warned the adventurers that were using violence to them.
Apparently, he hid his face, but the people recognized him quick from his stature.

… But Onii-san believed that he, as an adventurer, was also hated by the people in the city, which made him only able to interact with the people in the city much later.

The Onii-san’s low self-evaluation itself was very abnormal.
It was more so because Onii-san was aware of his capability.
When I thought about how could someone aware of their ability but still evaluated themselves so low, I tilted my head.

「… Well, Onii-san has become better recently, so I guess there is no need to think about it.」

…… But without getting any answer, I decided to give up my line of thought quickly.
Even if Onii-san’s attitude was still bad now, the current Onii-san was gradually getting more confident.
The evidence was his tone that was filled more with confidence and less masochistic.

「If so, that question is not something that needs an answer as soon as possible.」

After I concluded so, I fell asleep on the bed……


Ohhh Narsena, what a dirty girl…


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18 thoughts on “Banished Healer Chapter 15

  1. It’s pretty easy to see why he has low self esteem.

    People take advantage and overtime will break your will. The fact he had no role models till later in life also supports that. Then there the orphan and getting kicked out of a institute. Literally break your will when you see less value in yourself at such a tender age.

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    1. True, but most often people who have low self-esteem will also underestimate themselves.
      But he doesn’t, that’s the weirdness

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      1. Cause hes dense, he doesn’t understand how far his training and preparation has taken him.

        Also, being stuck in that scam party doesnt help when he did all the work and they took the credit.

        Doesnt have a sense of self or a sense to gauge himself with his surrounding.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. The guy knows what he can do, like every hard working, trained pro. The problem is, he has no scale to measure that against others, mainly because his luck with people seems to have been around the Mariana trench level until now (for people who were tourists in school, it’s the deepest natural trench in the world, Elevation around -10,994 m or -36,070 ft) & has not been around normal adventurers or healers.
          First he was weirdly expelled really fast (that institute seems to be a place for profiteers who are only interested in high level skills), which made him have a very incomplete education, no contact with healers & stamped the useless label on him. This seems to have made ordinary adventurers avoid him, which in turn made him perfect cannon fodder for scammers, who used him as bait in the first party & as slave in the second.
          So yeah, his self esteem until recently has been keeping company to his luck at the bottom of that trench. But he is healing, thank goodness!

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        2. He is not dense, he was abused and is severely damaged from the abuse. That is very different from being dense. Dense requires positive reinforcement or experiences and not realizing what they mean, but he has almost no positive experiences before hooking up with Narsena, and is dealing with years of abuse.

          The MC seems to be focusing on his flaws and weaknesses, because those are the parts that were used to oppress him, and has only ever received negative reinforcement from his party and the guild. He has been abused to the point all he can see are the reasons he sucks, not why he is awesome.

          He sees that he can attack and tank, but not both at the same time when every other front line fighter is doing both at once, and in his mind (based on all evidence from other adventurers) being able to do both is needed to be valuable.

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      2. No its simple hes a jack of all master of none. He bases his worth on his limit to heal which for him seems way higher ability based on the other healer we have seen and her comments. He understands he can do a lot but being limited to heal just seems to take everything out of him in that regard.

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  2. Thanks for the chapter! The way she just dismissed his low self esteem issues & went to sleep… would you do that if you really loved someone, or would you worry all night, plan strategies, imagine interventions or pep talks…?

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    1. She dismissed it because he is showing signs of improvement, and she can work with that. The worry and planning would be if he was getting worse.

      Like

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